Homecoming
by Tallos
Summary: After a long day at work, Donna has a pleasant surprise waiting for her.


Homecoming by Tallos  
  


JANUARY 11, 2001  
  
As she unlocked her door, Donna yawned. She really needed to get another job, she decided. Something with better hours, more money, and a less-insane working environment. Of course, this being DC, that pretty much ruled out a   
job as anyone's assistant. Congressional offices and the big law firms weren't as hectic as the White House, but they weren't that far off, either. She was beginning to think that what she really needed was a complete change of pace. Nothing permanent, just something that she could do while she figured out where her life was going.  
  
After entering the apartment, she closed the door behind her and turned the lights on. "Josh?" she called out into the quiet apartment. She took a few steps inside, and draped her coat over one of the chairs in the living room. "I'm home." There was no response. "Honey?"  
  
Just when she was beginning to worry, she felt a pair of arms encircle her from behind. "Gotcha!" Josh shouted.  
  
She gasped in surprise and whirled around to yell at him, but he captured her mouth in a kiss before he could. When they parted, she tried her best to look furious with him, but couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from turning upwards. "I hate you," she said, her heart still beating fast.  
  
"No, you don't," he said confidently, sliding his hands from her hips to the small of her back.  
  
"No, I don't," she grudgingly admitted. They kissed again briefly, and then she stepped back. "But God, what were you trying to do, give me a heart attack?"  
  
He shrugged. "I'm sorry. I guess I got bored waiting for you and decided to amuse myself. What was Toby doing keeping you so late?"  
  
"Oh, like I never had to stay late when I worked for you." She checked her watch. "Besides, it's not that late. And it wasn't like he didn't need me, you know. The way Ann Stark blindsided him today, the whole office was busy   
doing damage control."  
  
Josh chuckled. "I still can't believe Toby got beat like that. I mean, by a woman..."  
  
Scowling at him, she softly punched him in the arm. "You don't think a woman can outsmart a man?"   
  
"Not a real man," he said, grinning unapologetically as he rubbed his arm where she'd hit him.  
  
"I'll be sure to tell Toby that you said he isn't a real man."  
  
Josh's smile faded just a bit. "That would probably be a bad idea."  
  
"I…yeah. Probably."  
  
"Still," he said, suddenly looking concerned, "he's not taking out any of his frustration over what happened on you, is he? Or Sam or Ginger, for that matter? After all, this was entirely his screw-up."  
  
She smiled. His protective streak never failed to make her melt. "No, Toby's fine. He's pissed, but the only person he's blaming is himself. You know, he really isn't nearly as bad to work for as you like to think he is."  
  
"Okay, maybe not. But you have to admit, you had more fun with me, right?" he asked, taking a few steps back and sitting on the armrest of the sofa.  
  
"Yes, Joshua," she said, smiling and shaking her head. "Working with you was a lot more fun."  
  
"For one thing, Toby isn't nearly as willing to indulge your talkative nature, is he?" Josh asked.  
  
"That's an understatement. At one point yesterday, when I was trying to engage him in a discussion about the pros and cons of mandatory school uniforms, I think his exact words were something along the lines of, 'Go away, leave me alone, bug someone else.'"  
  
"Ah," he said sympathetically. "In retrospect, we should have seen if we couldn't have gotten you reassigned to Sam or CJ instead."  
  
"Toby was the only one who needed an assistant. And besides, underneath that gruff exterior, I really believe that there's a warm, caring individual."  
  
Josh snorted. "Who would probably slaughter everyone in the White House given the opportunity."  
  
"Probably," Donna admitted.  
  
He stood up and walked to her, putting his arms around her waist. He pulled her close to him. "Regardless, I'm sorry," he said, pressing his forehead to hers.  
  
She frowned. "For what?"  
  
"For everything. For the fact that we can't work together anymore. For the fact that it seems like the only time I ever get to see you is at home."  
  
"Well, home isn't so bad," she said.  
  
"No," he agreed, smiling. "No, it isn't. Still, I wish we could have it all. Work and this."  
  
"Me too." They kissed again, much more deeply than they had before. "Have you eaten?" she asked him when they parted. "I think there's some leftover Chinese food in the fridge." He shook his head, his smile growing wider. She   
couldn't help but return it, knowing all too well what that particular smile of his meant. Evidently, that last kiss had gotten him going. "Well, do you want to see if there's anything on TV?" she asked, just toying with him now. "There's a documentary about Hawaii on the Travel Channel tonight."  
  
"Donna, come on," he said, playfully whining. He took a step towards her.  
  
"Oh, I know!" she said, quickly stepping just out of his reach. "CJ saw 'Billy Elliot' last weekend and raved about it. We could go and catch a late show."  
  
"Yeah, we could do that. Or...?" Josh asked suggestively, raising his eyebrows.  
  
She rolled her eyes and faked a bored expression. "Or I suppose we could make mad, passionate love instead. I mean, if that's what you really want to do."  
  
"Yes. That. Let's do that." Grinning, he stepped towards her, and she laughed as he grabbed her hand and made for the bedroom, pulling her along behind him. When they were inside, Josh released her and sat down on the side of the bed so his face was level with her chest.  
  
He reached for her blouse and as he began unbuttoning it, he asked, "You know what the real problem with Toby is?" He got the blouse off and dropped it to the floor.  
  
"Okay, let me just say that I so do not want to be talking about Toby right now," she said, hopping onto the bed next to him.  
  
"The problem with Toby," Josh said, completely ignoring her, "is that he simply doesn't appreciate your true talents."  
  
"And you do, huh?" she asked, as she kicked her shoes off, leaving her just in her skirt.  
  
"Oh, absolutely. Especially your...how shall I put it...out of the office talents," he said, fumbling with her skirt as he tried to get it off.  
  
She cocked her head to the side and smirked at him. "And what makes you think I haven't given Toby a demonstration of my out of the office talents?"  
  
"Because if you had, he'd smile a lot more than he does."   
  
For a long moment, they both just laid there, looking at each other. Then he brought his face to hers and they kissed. Slowly at first, but before long, their mouths began hungrily pressing against each other.   
  
"That feels good," she mumbled in between kisses.  
  
"I'm sure Toby would certainly think so," he said.  
  
"Shut up."

* * *

Afterwards, as they held each other, Josh already half-asleep, she took a moment to study at him. He seemed so peaceful. Dear God, why had they waited so long? Why had it taken the shooting for her to realize just how much he truly meant to her? She snuggled up next to him, luxuriating in the warmth of his body. She felt safe. Protected. As if none of the world's evils could reach her right then, so long as they were together. And that was how it was supposed to be.   
  
"Josh?" she whispered.  
  
Slowly, his eyes opened, and she gave her a lopsided smile. "Yeah?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I know." He planted a soft kiss to the top of her head. "I love you, too. I always will."

"And you'll never leave?"

He looked at her for a long moment. "Never," he said firmly. "_Never_."  
  
Just then, the phone next to the bed rang, causing Donna to jump a bit. "Let's ignore it," she suggested.  
  
Josh shook his head regretfully. "It might be work. It might be important."  
  
She hated to admit it, but she knew he was right. "Yeah, okay. Hold on." She inched over and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"  
  
"Donna? Hey, it's Carol."  
  
"Oh, hi. How's it going?"   
  
"Pretty good. Listen, Ginger and Margaret are over here at my place. After the shitty day we all had, we were going to go out for drinks and maybe go dancing. You know, unwind a bit. I was going to say something to you before, but you kind of ran out of the office before I could."  
  
"Sorry. I had to get home." She looked over at Josh and smiled at him. He smiled back.  
  
"That's okay. Well, anyway, I thought I'd give you a call and see if you wanted to come with us."  
  
"Um..." She bit her lower lip. "No. No, that's okay. I think I'll just stay in. Thanks, though."  
  
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. "Donna..." Carol began tentatively.  
  
"Really, I'd rather just-"  
  
"Donna," Carol repeated, cutting her off. "This isn't right."  
  
Donna closed her eyes. She sat up on the edge of the bed and rubbed her forehead. Not now. Please, not now. "I'm just...I'm fine, okay?"  
  
"No, it's not okay," Carol said, a hint of anger entering her voice. "You need to snap out of this...whatever the hell this is!"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," Donna said. "I'm just tired. And I'm sure Toby will need me there pretty early tomorrow, so-"  
  
"For Christ's sake, Donna, he's dead!"   
  
Donna struggled to find something to say, but the words wouldn't come. All she could manage was a quiet sigh of defeat. Slowly, she turned and looked over her shoulder at the other side of the bed. There was no one there. There hadn't been for a very, very long time. Idly, she wondered if there ever would be again.   
  
Over the line, she could hear voices in the background, and it sounded like Ginger and Margaret were trying to get Carol to back off. "He's been dead for months, now!" Carol shouted. "And you need to accept that and let him go. This isn't what Josh would have wanted for you."   
  
"I'm going to go now," she said softly. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"This isn't healthy! You can't keep-" Carol said, but Donna hung up the phone. It rang again a few seconds later, and this time, she didn't answer it. After four rings, the machine in the kitchen picked up, but Carol didn't leave a message. Donna exhaled slowly. Undoubtedly, she'd be in for a lecture, tomorrow. Or maybe even something more. A few days ago, she'd taken some papers to CJ, and had walked in on her and Carol talking in her office. They'd immediately grown silent when Donna had entered, but she had managed to catch one word before they'd ceased speaking: Intervention.   
  
She wasn't crazy, she thought. She knew this with absolute certainty. Depressed? Yes. Lonely? Oh, yes. And there was most definitely a hole in her heart that she knew would never be filled. There had been ever since the doctor, stone-faced and solemn, had walked into the waiting room that night back in May. It had been just her, Sam, Zoey, and Mrs. Landingham in there at that point. Surprisingly, when the doctor delivered the news that they'd lost Josh on the operating table, she had been the only one of the four who hadn't cried. Sam and Zoey had wept openly, and Mrs. Landingham had shed a few tears, though obviously, a woman who had lost both sons in Vietnam wouldn't be too devastated at the death of a mere acquaintance and coworker.  
  
But Donna...Donna had just sat there, completely emotionless. She'd just waited. Waited to wake up from whatever nightmare she was having. Waited for the doctor to return, a sheepish look on his face, and say that there had been some kind of mistake. Waited for a grinning Josh to walk in and tell her that the whole thing had been a joke, and how he tried convincing everyone that she was too smart to fall for it, and how proud he was of her for proving him right. Whatever the case, she'd decided, when he was standing there before her…that was when she was going to tell Josh what she should have told him a long, long time ago.   
  
She'd waited there for a good two hours before Margaret showed up to take her home.   
  
It was after the funeral that Toby asked her to come work for him. Bonnie would be leaving at the end of the month, he said, and he needed a replacement for her. She'd resisted at first, her initial instinct being to put some distance between herself and DC, but Toby had gently pointed out that right then, more than anything, Donna needed her friends around her. She'd reluctantly taken the job, promising herself that it would only be for a little while. A month, maybe two. But since then, she'd discovered that she couldn't bring herself to leave. Really, the White House was all she had left of Josh. Everything else had been boxed up and sent to his mother.  
  
Working there wasn't always easy, of course. It often seemed as if every inch of the West Wing prompted a memory of him...some of them happy, some of them sad, but all of them painfully intense. Additionally, even after all this time, she still couldn't help but feel a twinge of anger and resentment whenever she saw Josh's replacement and his assistant walking through the halls together or ducking into his office for lunch. It just wasn't fair. Still, she'd managed to be her usual efficient self around the office. She knew her coworkers were worried about her, but they'd never once questioned her job performance since she'd begun working for Toby.  
  
But the important thing was, she wasn't crazy. Never did she allow herself to _truly_ believe that it was Josh who was waiting for her when she came home at night. Never did she truly believe that it was really Josh talking to her about her day, joking with her, making love to her, holding her at night. She wasn't delusional; she knew that it was all just a fantasy. She just...didn't care.  
  
Still, Carol was right. This wasn't healthy. And it was getting to the point that she couldn't ignore the physical toll her depression was taking on her any longer: She was tired most of the time, even after getting eight or nine hours of sleep at night. She'd had three colds since May, and she knew that even though everyone had been polite enough not to say anything, the weight she'd gained had become noticeable.  
  
Donna hugged her knees to her chest, all of a sudden feeling very alone.  
  
"She's right, you know." She turned and saw Josh sitting next to her on the bed. He placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently. "This isn't healthy. And it isn't what I would have wanted."  
  
She laughed ruefully. "I was just thinking the same thing."  
  
"You don't go anywhere, these days. You don't do anything. You wake up, go to work and try to act like everything's okay, and then come straight home every night. To be with me."  
  
"I know."  
  
"This isn't any way to live."  
  
She didn't respond, just staring straight ahead, wondering how many times they'd had this exact same conversation over the past nine months.  
  
He sighed, clearly frustrated at his inability to reach her. "Hey, that guy who asked you out today...what was his name?"  
  
"Ethan. Ethan Ramsey."  
  
"Yeah, him." He shrugged. "You know, you should have said yes."  
  
She smiled a bit and shook her head. "I never thought I'd hear you encourage me to go out with a local gomer."  
  
"He's a Georgetown-educated attorney in the council's office. He has an incredible future ahead of him in the private sector. Plus...and mind you, this should in no way bring my sexual orientation into question...he's not bad looking. All things being equal, I'd hardly call him a gomer."  
  
She shot him a wry look. "They were all gomers to you."  
  
"True." He looked at her, and his mouth opened slightly.   
  
"What is it?" she asked, although she already knew exactly what he was going to say. One of the benefits of conversing with yourself, she mused.  
  
"We need to stop doing this," he said. "_You_ need to stop doing this."  
  
"I know."  
  
He touched her arm, an annoyed look on his face. "I'm serious, Donna."  
  
"I know you are. Really. But...one more night? Please? Can't we just have tonight?" she asked hopefully.  
  
He hesitated. Then he shook his head. "You say that every night."  
  
"I know. But really, this time I mean it. This is it." She paused and gave him what she hoped was a sincere look. "And then...then I'll give Ethan a call tomorrow. If that's what you really want."  
  
Josh looked at her skeptically. "Really?"  
  
She nodded. "Yes. I promise."  
  
After a moment, he opened his arms to her. She smiled and closed her eyes, and once again imagining it was really Josh's hands on her body instead of her own, she wondered what excuse she would use on him tomorrow.  
  
THE END


End file.
